First, like Ms. Parker, I would be darling at it.
Second, I would think long and hard on how to waste the money to bring my ruin. Used correctly, a million dollars could allow me and my band to live modestly but easily for many years.
But who am I kidding? I don’t do well with an extra G. A mil would be gone in a moment, like sand through my fingers on the shore of Biarritz.
But I wouldn’t go to Biarritz with my million. They wouldn’t treat me well there. It would be no fun – all the fabulousness would be jarring.
Rather, I would start my descent with the Hermes Picotin Lock – in dark brown. Nearly $2500, seems like the perfect symbol of my ability to waste on a grand scale. Unlined, made to look like a nosebag, I drool. I will own.
It won’t end there. Next, I will have you. Italian. Orange. The Pelligrino of my dreams.
Now for something a little radical, something to show the Missouri set that I know what’s what…
A bag to wear to let people know I know how to waste money even when I am wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans…
And of course something pink and American…
And thousands of bags later, the creditors will come. And I will bury the Picotin Lock in Dark Brown in the ground. Forever you shall be mine.
It is probably a very good think I don’t have a million dollars.