If I Had a Million Dollars…

First, like Ms. Parker, I would be darling at it.

Second, I would think long and hard on how to waste the money to bring my ruin.   Used correctly, a million dollars could allow me and my band to live modestly but easily for many years.

But who am I kidding?  I don’t do well with an extra G.  A mil would be gone in a moment, like sand through my fingers on the shore of Biarritz.

But I wouldn’t go to Biarritz with my million.  They wouldn’t treat me well there.  It would be no fun – all the fabulousness would be jarring.

Rather, I would start my descent with the Hermes Picotin Lock – in dark brown.  Nearly $2500, seems like the perfect symbol of my ability to waste on a grand scale.  Unlined, made to look like a nosebag, I drool.  I will own.

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It won’t end there.  Next, I will have you.  Italian. Orange.  The Pelligrino of my dreams.

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Now for something a little radical, something to show the Missouri set that I know what’s what…

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A bag to wear to let people know I know how to waste money even when I am wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans…

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And of course something pink and American…

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And thousands of bags later, the creditors will come.  And I will bury the Picotin Lock in Dark Brown in the ground.  Forever you shall be mine.

It is probably a very good think I don’t have a million dollars.

Plus Size Fashion: Peppermint!

An outfit to wear when giving an awkwardly long diatribe on why peppermint tea is undervalued and the resultant negative effect on civilization.

 

Old Navy Women’s Plus Asymmetrical Open-Front Cardigan in Amaryllis

Pistil Kiera Wristlet in Teal

J. Crew Bubble Necklace

Harney & Son’s Organic Peppermint Tea

Antipast Cable Knit Trouser Sock

Softwalk Dakota Boots in Winter White

NYDJ Greta Trouser

 

 

 

Fall Banana Peeling!

When the air turns from crisp to cold, and the pumpkins are thrown out, and I know it is almost that time – Fall Banana Peeling!  I truly can’t wait – the warm pina coladas, the awesome friends coming over to peel bananas and play those monkey games.  So messy, so fun – I am so sad it only comes once a year.  I hope you have a spectacular fall banana peeling – I know I will, because of the fun and because of this outfit – perfect for the occasion.

 

Avenue Marled Pocket Cardigan
Old Navy Women’s Plus Pencil Skirts
Avenue Double Lace Trim Cami
Nordstrom Ribbon Conductor Hat
Anthropologie Sea Shinle Necklace
David Tate Bronco Wide Shaft

**The first in a series – a spoof of blog collections to make sure you know how unstylish and poor you really are, as well as missing out on awesome events to wear awesome outfits.  The events are spoofs – the outfits are real but not owned by me – I feel like there need to be more drool-worthy collections of outfits that feature plus-size clothing.  I was inspired this morning when I walked into the grocery store in Merona yoga pants, a white old navy tshirt with a mysterious stain on the sleeve, and flip flops showing off my chipped red craggy toenails.  I cracked myself up thinking of featuring this outfit under the title “Saturday Morning Trip to Hy-Vee”