If I Had a Million Dollars…

First, like Ms. Parker, I would be darling at it.

Second, I would think long and hard on how to waste the money to bring my ruin.   Used correctly, a million dollars could allow me and my band to live modestly but easily for many years.

But who am I kidding?  I don’t do well with an extra G.  A mil would be gone in a moment, like sand through my fingers on the shore of Biarritz.

But I wouldn’t go to Biarritz with my million.  They wouldn’t treat me well there.  It would be no fun – all the fabulousness would be jarring.

Rather, I would start my descent with the Hermes Picotin Lock – in dark brown.  Nearly $2500, seems like the perfect symbol of my ability to waste on a grand scale.  Unlined, made to look like a nosebag, I drool.  I will own.

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It won’t end there.  Next, I will have you.  Italian. Orange.  The Pelligrino of my dreams.

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Now for something a little radical, something to show the Missouri set that I know what’s what…

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A bag to wear to let people know I know how to waste money even when I am wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans…

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And of course something pink and American…

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And thousands of bags later, the creditors will come.  And I will bury the Picotin Lock in Dark Brown in the ground.  Forever you shall be mine.

It is probably a very good think I don’t have a million dollars.

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