Spring sprung here yesterday. It was warm and sunny – people were out, spirits lifted, blah blah blah. Spring zaps my energy. Not old-fashioned spring, the spring of my youth – cold, rainy days are fine. It is the brilliant burst of sun and joggers. I need to be eased into warmth and outside life. It may be as simple as I hate being hot – and it may be as complicated as I was set backwards.
Yesterday I felt miserable. I had taken a day off and let time evaporate in the spring heat. Other than lunch out with one of my favorite people, all of my great day-off plans were ignored. Instead I played video games and watched shows I had already watched. Blech.
In the moment, it is so hard to choose to do the things that I know will make me feel happy. I talk myself into just a few more minutes of things that I know will make me unhappy, or at least regretful. At almost 40, you would think I should know to pull out my sewing machine rather than sit in the chair and play an hour of Temple Run. Heck, I should even just find a real temple and run from it. But as I type this, I feel a strong pull to sink into a day of nothing again. I don’t feel depressed, but maybe this is depression? Or modern life where the endorphin kick of jumping over a crevasse in a video game is so quick it is addictive.
Regardless, I am an addict and am going to do other things today, this week. I have committed to on week per quarter where I don’t watch TV or play video games. And my first week starts today. I am going to do the things that I know make me happy in the long term, rather than things that make me unhappy when I am done.
I will keep you posted… after all, I have lots of time to write now.