It has been quite a month.
I went to San Francisco and went to a conference with smart people and I missed my husband without whom the city we love is not the same. And Mattie came to visit. And she scratched the love out of us – demanding our full devotion and the warmth of our bodies. And then shortly after she died. And I was miserable. Quiet moments stabbing me into crying. And I still had to work a lot. And then Easter and the kids wore stripes and giggles and my tears agreed to wait. And then Polly. And spring was too early and the flowers were everywhere. The tulips made Ian sneeze and his eyes sting and he didn’t get mad at me – didn’t even think of it. And I still had to work a lot. And I turned 38 by the glow of my computer screen. And Annie got her hair cut and found a time machine and frolicked just a bit. And today I am finding balance and things are going to be changing and getting better and harder. And always there will be the memory of little Mattie sleeping on my head, trying to get close enough to suck out all the marrow of all my love. And I would give it to her a million times over. I miss you little pup and will never forget.