My accomplishments in 2011 are paltry. At least on paper (or on screen). I am more in debt and weigh more than I did 365 days ago. I only read 17 books. And it appears I still beat myself up. Or do I?
Because I *could* look at this year differently. Instead of recounting the failures that are my constant companion, I can look at the things I did well. Well, wouldn’t that be cool? The last six months in therapy have taught me many things – and started a journey that will lead me not to “success” but to happiness.
In the spirit of choosing to recognize all that I am, rather than a handful of failures, here is what I did accomplish this year: (If you abhor bragging, do not read on.)
1. Kicked butt at work – continuing my 13-year streak.
2. Completed three graduate courses and got As in each one – 7 hours closer to an M.S. in Bioinformatics.
3. Became closer to my stepkids. One of the saddest parts of being a stepmom early on was the fact that my coming home was minimally acknowledged. Now it is de rigeur for the kids to come clammering down the stairs, literally cheering that I am home. And I am often rewarded with the title “Best Stepmom in the World”. I’ll take it. Those kids feel like my blood now. It was one of the biggest challenges in my life. But we found our ways to each other.
4. Became closer to my husband. This year had highs and lows, for sure. Just when we got good at the every day marriage challenges – not enough money, crazy mismatched work schedules, things randomly breaking in the house, and kids who require food and attention and to be driven back and forth 45 minutes 2-3 times a week – the universe handed us some crappy health issues and all the detritus that gets churned up when one (me) starts therapy. After the big and little bumps, I end this year even more in love with DH. We have been there for each other in ways that I didn’t imagine on the day we got married. I know the challenges aren’t over – my guess is they aren’t ever. But I do know when I am terrified and crying in the middle of the night, I just have to reach over and DH will be there. And I know that being happy is even greater when one’s companion is holding your hand. Every year, every day I understand more how precious this marriage thing is – because it is a lifetime shared always.
5. Took the big step of getting into therapy so that I can take care of myself because I love myself.
That is a pretty darn good list – and not any of them were on my “resolutions” for the year.