I have a breaking point, and it doesn’t take too much to get to it.
I LOVE school. I love class, I love the opportunity to learn what I am learning, I love pushing myself to learn something new. Tonight I got to listen to a lecture on regression modeling, and I liked it… I really did. (And regression modeling is not a lanky woman who is sucking her thumb by the time she gets to the end of the catwalk. Although that would be awesome.)
But, with the last week I am at my breaking point. I had to work both weekend days and spend my nights catching up on missed work and I have not had time to sleep. Or exercise. Or pick my dirty clothes up off the floor. And I have reached that state where I feel like I am going to short out. I am one task-being-added-to-my-todo-list from ugly crying. I wish I had a tolerance for more stuff being piled on and less sleep, but I don’t. Because with school I have work and then even more work at the end of the day.
When I get like this, despite all my good therapy to find other ways to cope, I use food as a shortcut to stress reduction. It is not healthy, but it works, at least short term. I don’t have the capacity to pick something else from my toolbox – walking, sewing, listening to music. I eat. And I feel less stressed. Until I think about everything I have eaten.
So after class today I was facing a huge pile of school work and work work. AND I AM SOOOO TIRED. I just want to sleep and cry and sleep and cry. And then sleep. But I can’t. I have to work… Sometimes the output sucks, but it is still being outputted.
It wasn’t dinner time, but I was hungry so I stopped and got a fairly nutritious dinner. I got home and got out a plate. Samich and soup. I unwrapped the samich and then poured the soup onto the plate. Yep, that’s what I did. Right before licking soup up off the kitchen floor, my dog looked at me as if to say “Srsly, bitch, just go to bed.”
So the new standard of frazzled: forgetting what type of dish soup goes into.
But hell is shortlived… on Sunday I have no plans. I can get caught up on my school work and work, and I am going to use the other things from my stress reduction toolkit – I may even do them all in one day. We’ll see.