I have a breaking point, and it doesn’t take too much to get to it.

I LOVE school.  I love class, I love the opportunity to learn what I am learning, I love pushing myself to learn something new.  Tonight I got to listen to a lecture on regression modeling, and I liked it… I really did.  (And regression modeling is not a lanky woman who is sucking her thumb by the time she gets to the end of the catwalk.  Although that would be awesome.)

But, with the last week I am at my breaking point.  I had to work both weekend days and spend my nights catching up on missed work and I have not had time to sleep.  Or exercise.  Or pick my dirty clothes up off the floor.  And I have reached that state where I feel like I am going to short out.  I am one task-being-added-to-my-todo-list from ugly crying.  I wish I had a tolerance for more stuff being piled on and less sleep, but I don’t.  Because with school I have work and then even more work at the end of the day.

When I get like this, despite all my good therapy to find other ways to cope, I use food as a shortcut to stress reduction.  It is not healthy, but it works, at least short term.  I don’t have the capacity to pick something else from my toolbox – walking, sewing, listening to music.  I eat.  And I feel less stressed.  Until I think about everything I have eaten.

So after class today I was facing a huge pile of school work and work work.  AND I AM SOOOO TIRED.  I just want to sleep and cry and sleep and cry.  And then sleep.  But I can’t.  I have to work…  Sometimes the output sucks, but it is still being outputted.

It wasn’t dinner time, but I was hungry so I stopped and got a fairly nutritious dinner.  I got home and got out a plate.  Samich and soup.  I unwrapped the samich and then poured the soup onto the plate.  Yep, that’s what I did. Right before licking soup up off the kitchen floor, my dog looked at me as if to say “Srsly, bitch, just go to bed.”

So the new standard of frazzled:  forgetting what type of dish soup goes into.

But hell is shortlived… on Sunday I have no plans.  I can get caught up on my school work and work, and I am going to use the other things from my stress reduction toolkit – I may even do them all in one day.  We’ll see.


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