Unwashed and Failing!

I have had a conference call at 7am everyday for the past 50+ days.  Surely, G, you are exaggerating.  On Saturday and Sunday?  Yes!  On Labor Day?  Yes!  Every SINGLE day??  Not quite… I have missed about 10.  Now, 3 of those were because there was a different call I had to be on at 7am… and the other few were because there was something else I had to do that morning.   But I am so used to those calls, I don’t know what I am going to do when they end.  Not that they will ever end, probably.

And then on top of the conference calls, I have had to work a lot. Including nights and weekends and well past the point that I want to crawl into a corner and cry because I miss my life, my husband, seeing the sun, being outside.

Many people read that and think I am weak for having to work so much.  But I challenge anybody in my shoes to not have to work as much in the situation I am in.  I don’t know how to work less and hit the goals that need to be hit.  And I keep thinking the deadline, the end, the party of freedom is just right around the corner.  The corner just keeps getting bigger and rounder… take today, for instance…

Today I thought I would have the conference call and then nothing else to do for the rest of the day… very much looking forward to a Sunday with nothing to do…  hung up on the call without anything to do.  Went downstairs to chat with my husband about making pancakes and sitting on the porch and going for a walk and enjoying the world.  I went upstairs to shut down and got a ping that I had to do X.  Grrrr.  Started investigating how to do X.  Made arrangements for when that work needed to be done and shut down the computer.

Enjoyed several hours of making jewelry.  I have plans to do other things during any time off, but it always comes back to sitting at my table, beading and wiring and two-part resining.  And the hours slip by.  The thing about me making jewelry is it takes a lot of iterations and mess to end up with one piece.

So I sat for hours, in my jammies, and came up with some lovely things that I will post pictures of… but before I get there, I have a pile of stuff that didn’t work.  Included in this pile is a drop I took a lot of time to create that has a curlicue and a hammered end so the crystal bead doesn’t fall off.

Pile o'Failure

I was very pleased with it and was going to incorporate into an earring… and then I realized I didn’t have another of the same bead for the other earring.  Grr.  So it went into my big container of stuff to be recycled into other projects.  Broken necklaces, stuff my father-in-law has scored for me that can be deconstructed to make other stuff, and all my failures that still have worthwhile materials to use.  I tell myself that I am going to start working through this pile as soon as the container can’t hold anymore… but the problem is stuff can be squished down to always fit more.  And now I am thinking about getting a bigger container.

Uh, so that's too much

The problem is that making something I never made before is always more fun than deconstructing something that I spent a lot of time on that didn’t work.

So, back to that big, round corner.  I logged on a bit ago to find out more about the task X I needed to complete only to discover that I didn’t need to do it!  YAY!  Then I read the next e-mail which was another task I needed to do that is even bigger than the task I just got out of.  BOOO!  So I am dispatching this blog… fighting back the tears with the realization that I have to work yet again… hopefully I will be back tonight with more.

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