Resolutions for Other People!

I have been blogging about my own resolutions quite a bit, and you have to admit I really haven’t been to terribly snotty or mean on my blog in a loooong time, soiIf you will indulge me in a bit of snarkiness, these are some resolutions I would like to make for other people that would make my life better…

1. Before 7 am and after 5 pm, the guy who sits over the wall from me at work should resolve to not start rambling conversations. If I am working at those hours it is because I have to get something done.
2. Everybody should resolve to stop telling me to “smile” when I am not smiling. They should resolve to give me something to smile about instead.
3. Rachel Ray should resolve to redecorate her kitchen.
4. Everybody should resolve to stop watching those shows on HGTV related to selling houses. I cannot force myself to watch a house be redecorated just to be sold… it seems like such a waste to me. And who has that much interest in real estate? And how can 20-year olds in Boston afford $460,000 dollar houses?? FORCE HGTV to bring back decorating shows! Especially bring back Room by Room with Matt and Shari and their delightful sexual tension.
5. Everybody except Matt Damon, my parents, and my husband should resolve to not call me by endearments, particularly Honey, Sweetie, and Dear. I really unreasonably hate it and think people call me that because I am fat – which if true is really rude and people should resolve to stop doing that!
6. Joss should resolve to stop making the show where what’s her face runs around in her underwear and instead make a show where Nathan Fillion runs around in his underwear. Please?
7. Hugh Laurie should resolve to become friends with my husband and I.
8. Restaurants should resolve to have more vegan cheese options… like Waldo Pizza does.
9. Whole Foods should resolve to clear out all meandering, yammering, easily-confused yuppies when I am shopping at their store.
10. One grocery store in Liberty (I don’t care which one) should resolve to carry all of the special needs foods that my family uses so we don’t have to go to several stores.
11. Restaurants should resolve to stop playing music. It kills all enjoyment when Huey Lewis is blaring. If that is too much for restaurants, they should resolve to all play whatever Chipotle plays. It isn’t perfect, but their music doesn’t make me want to put a fork in my eye.
12. Someone should resolve to become the nonmommy version of Dooce – hilarious, endearing, but without the theme that mommyhood is the pinnacle of female human existence. It is *a* pinnacle, but if you don’t mind the oxymoronism, I think there are several pinnacles.
13. Mid-Continent Public Library should resolve to be open on Sundays.
14. Food Network or public television should resolve to create a vegan cooking show.
15. Merry Maids should resolve to give me a year’s worth of free house cleaning.
16. Etsy should resolve to open cooperative storefronts all over the nation, starting with Kansas City (Not Johnson County!)
17. My neighbor should resolve to stop bellowing at his kids and dogs when my family is trying to relax outside.
18. Everybody should resolve to become good at parking.
19. Advertisers should resolve to not make commercials equating chocolate with sexual release or hamburgers with mainliness.
20. Sara Rue is absolutely gorgeous just the way she is. She should resolve to STEP AWAY from the Jenny Craig, now!

That is all I have for now… thanks everybody… that is going to help make 2010 a great year for me!


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