It has been a very, very, very long time since I have blogged. Too long. Stella lost her groove, as it were. Not that I really had a groove…

I am not sure where I went, but the past few weeks have been tough. And I can’t think exactly why. I just haven’t been myself. A brief timeline…

1. Kitchen island – it sounds silly, but one of the highlights of my year. I really do love my kitchen island. More on that in another post soon, I soooo promise.
2. Crazy getting ready for a family party involving lots of cleaning and gardening and stuff.
3. Let down from lack of focus of party preparation.
4. Vegan bake sale. (My friend and I raised $500!!) The bake sale was great, but I spent a lot of time making cookies that didn’t go so well because of the heat. I ended up with a great product, but it was a circuitous route there.
5. Let down from lack of focus of vegan bake sale.
6. After performing a diatribe to DH and some friends about how I am “just not a video game person” have a stray thought about how great Sims 3 would be on my new computer.
7. Buy Sims 3.
8. Lots and lots of stress from work.
9. Money stress.
10. Eat.
11. Don’t exercise.
12. Become disapointed in myself for eating and not exercising.
13. Hours spent playing Sims 3 instead of living my life.
14. More weight gain.
15. Despair

A few days ago I was in the midst of despair. I was waking up two or three times a night from a nightmare that I was always going to be fat and we were always going to have to worry about money. I wasn’t facing the future, I was napping and playing Sims. And being absolutely incredulous that at 35 I hadn’t learned all of the lessons that life taught me. All while making my Sim jog every morning at 5 and write and paint on the weekends. I am not kidding. Do you ever feel like everybody else is moving ahead and you are stuck in the mud? I have felt like that a lot lately. I know all of this is so boring. I KNOW! I know that everybody else can see the answers for me and I can’t. I know the answers… I just can’t always give them.

And then I found a fairly ingenious way to solve my money problem (all legal, I promise). And having that one perceived burden lifted and I feel like I can face things again. And then some really kind women posted something on my FB wall asking where I was. So I am back. One day at a time and all that. I can’t be perfect, but I can do better. Here is the evidence that I am back.

1. I am actually blogging. Here’s hoping that I remember how to upload to the website. And I will do a dispatch every day… I should have at least one thing to say.
2. I am counting calories.
3. Two trips to the gym in the last 48 hours.
4. I am forcing myself to take a week off from Sims.
5. I have started making notes on my Philosophy of Science presentation that I am giving at the Beagle next month.
6. I got out in the world on Thursday night and Saturday.

That’s all I have right now… I will keep you posted.


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