Sorry I have been so incommunicado – hard to describe how busy things have been for me lately. Let’s just say they have been busy.
For a list, here are some things that have amazed me recently:
1. I realized this week that at some point I stopped finding the phrase “in the backend” funny or surreal at work. That could be in a list “You know you have been working in IT too long if…”.
2. Cafe Seed. The absolute hardest thing for me as a vegan is breakfast. The first day I tried-on veganism was 7/5/2004. My first meal was breakfast with my parents. The only thing I could eat at the table was the cantaloupe. I have slowly but surely figured out breakfast – although I will always miss scrambled eggs no matter how much I grow to love scrambled tofu. There are some restaurants in my town where you can get a vegan breakfast, but all of the food is a little frou-frou and weird – not the type of breakfast I love. Enter Cafe Seed. I *finally* made it there a few weeks ago and was BLOWN AWAY by how good the vegan breakfast was. “Bacon”, “sausage”, “pancakes”, “biscuits”. All things I can make at home – but it is so beyond cool to be able to go out to a restaurant for breakfast, and go to a place where the food is good enough and down-home enough that I can take almost any of my friends and family. I am hoping to take DH and the twins soon.
3. The inscription from my stepdaughter on my Valentine’s Day Card was “You are the best stepmom every.” (sic). I teared up, as any normal person would at reading this very sweet sentiment. But it is truly amazing as I reflect on how hard she (my SD) and I have worked to earn the relationship we have now.
A little less than 3 years ago, DH and I announced to the twins that we were engaged and going to be married. SD **WAILED** and **SCREAMED** that she didn’t want us to get married, that she didn’t want me to be her mother, that she wanted to keep her own mother.
It was really bad – and I know what she meant – it was a misunderstanding about “stepmom”, but the violence of the reaction made me feel like vomiting. I still feel the bile rise when I reflect on that moment.
I don’t know if you have ever been in love with a person so much that you are convinced that “soulmate” is a real thing – and you feel a real risk that the people he loves most, his kids, might actually hate you. And you have to love them as much as you love him, as much as you would love kids solely yours through adoption or womb, because that is how it is supposed to work. But it really makes for one of the worst moments in a lifetime. When SD reacted so violently to our nuptial announcement, it sunk in how I will never be first or second fiddle or probably even third through seventh fiddle in the lives of kids I call my children.
And this Valentine’s day I get an “unprompted” (per DH) inscription stating that I am the best stepmom ever. And I’m gonna take it. I might not be fiddling in the band of their loyalties and hearts, but I have started to conquer the complexity of the relationship. If you want to know about unconditional love, ask a stepparent, you can even ask the best stepmom ever – I can make time.
As far as SS, he added his name only to the card, which I guess means he concurs with the sentiment of SD. Of course, he was stoic when our engagement was announced. Boys.
4. We are going to have to spring forward our clocks in a couple of weeks!!
5. A friend of a friend competed in a race where she ran up 108 flights of stairs in 16 minutes!!!!!!!!! The winner of the race finished in 8 minutes!!!!!!! My friend is hosting our own mini stepping event tomorrow morning. I am aiming for 30 flights in 30 minutes or less – I am going to need some breathing breaks.
Happy weekend – it is finally frickin’ here!