Insult Follow-up!

AKA The Last Five Insults
A couple months ago I posted an entry about a woman who insulted me at work. I had much trepidation about posting it – because I shun pity – but her statments were just so absurd – and pure comedy gold. And I am glad I did. All the conversations I have had about it has confirmed my suspicion that what she says about me just isn’t true. I really am a pretty great person – and she just doesn’t realize.

As a command performance, here are the last 5 insults I got from her, editing out duplicates from the last list – because she does tend to stick to themes.

1. As we were waiting in a crowd full of people for another coworker: “I bet you regret wearing that great big red shirt now, don’t you?”
2. “You seem to have a different purse for every outfit. I like purses, but I like to be able to afford food.” (for the record – I DO NOT have a purse for every outfit – but I do have 3-4 CHEAP purses that I have been rotating through.)
3. Picking a crumb or lint off of my shirt, “You always have something on your shirt, don’t you?” (To be fair, I do always have something there – I have never ever mastered eating – but, really, does she need to point it out?)
4. “Your make-up looks fresh and pretty this morning.” …Wait for it… Wait for it… “Of course, by the end of the day your face will be a mess again.” I looked at her with such shock and awe, that she quickly “recovered” by saying, “Well, you know, you are just like me – the makeup only lasts so long in a day.”
5. And I don’t know if this qualifies as an insult – but she does this one a lot – She will note something about your appearance and her tone of voice sounds like a compliment, but she doesn’t really compliment you. I had fancied myself up one day, and my immediate cube neighbor said, “You look nice!” And the insulter followed-up with. “Your hair is curly!” Just a statement of fact, but she wasn’t going to corroborate that I looked nice. No way, mister. I may be being oversensitive about that one – I got kind of touchy there at the end.
That is it from the annals of the insults. I have to say, I will miss the blog fodder, but I won’t miss her.

And here are some take-aways my experience with the insulter has given me about life:

1. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
2. Chubby people are people to. As are non-whites, bald people, and those without fashion sense.
3. People know what you really mean. You may think they don’t, but they do.
4. Love thyself.
5. Don’t laugh loudly at your own “joke” if noone else is laughing.
6. The quality of a person cannot be determined from their outward exterior.
7. If you must talk badly about me, do it behind my back well out of earshot. I much prefer that.
8. The next time someone says something passive-agressively mean to me I am going to say “ouch”. I saw someone do that to the insulter, and I think she had a moment of clarity where she realized she had just been rude.

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