I have been going back and forth and back again about whether or not I want to blog about this or not, but I decided, yes, what the heck.
There is this woman at work. She is a piece of work and is one of my favorites because of the absurd things she says. She is in her early fifties, hard working, and has a chip on her shoulder the size of Pike’s Peak. She has been on the same team as me for about 5 months, and I think she considers me a friend. She is always exclaiming how much we are alike. I don’t think we are alike at all – but that is testimony to how I can be a chameleon at work. Soon after she started working with me, she started hurling insults at me. I am pretty sure she doesn’t think they are insults, just being honest. But they are insults. And I don’t take it personally, because she doesn’t know the truth about me, and she does it to EVERYBODY. From my Chinese-American boss to my bald coworker, everybody better look out.
I say pretty bad things about myself to myself too often. So, I share these things that this woman has said to me because they crack me up. So absurd, and reflects her lack of confidence in herself more than any thing about me. I need to learn to laugh at those insults I hurl at myself, just like I laugh at the ones she hurls at me.
Top 10 insults from the woman at work:
1. Every Tuesday and Thursday I leave work early to go to my exercise class. I don’t think she believes I really go there – because we we have had this conversation many times:
She:You are going to your exercise class? (raises eyebrows)
Me: Yes, I am.
She: I can’t believe how much you work out and still are heavyset. There must be something medically wrong with you.
Me: Ok, bye.
2. I got to share a room with this woman for a week at a conference out of town. Lucky me. The experience was beyond painful – from what I wore to what I ate to what I spent my money on, everything was fair game. Early on the trip she noted that I ate quickly. And now she *always* mentions it whenever I eat with her. On Tuesday we went out to lunch with a new team member who ate very quickly. She said, “Wow! G! M eats even more quickly than *you*!
3. “In that meeting I was thinking how shiny your hair is. Now do you think maybe you died it too dark?”
4. “I like the color of your shirt.” (raises eyebrows) “Now can you buy clothes at a normal store? The reason I ask is that shirt seems a little tight.”
5. Seeing some children hugging their mom while waiting for our plane out of Florida, “I can’t believe you aren’t going to have children. Look at those kids. Children are the best things a woman can do with her life. You should have children before it is too late.” This was after a long diatribe about what a pain her grown kids were to her.
6. “You bring a cloth napkin with your lunch? Must be nice to make a lot of money and be able to waste it on stuff like that.”
7. “Those pants sure are saggy on your bottom. You sure don’t need to lose weight down there.”
8. “That food smells interesting. I don’t see how you can be a vegetarian.”
9. “Did you make that necklace? It is pretty, but you sure can tell it is homemade.”
10. Looking at my rolled cuffs and flat shoes. “It is hard to wear heals isn’t it? Too bad they make jeans that are cut specifically for them nowadays. Of course, you are still young, you could wear heels.”
Boy, I am going to miss her. I may have to stop by every now and again after I change jobs to get a dose of “honesty”.