Last night the twins (stepdaughter – sd and stepson – ss) went with us to the Taste of Parkville event. I think the twins now are at an age where we get each other better. I find them to be hilarious and I killed with them last night with my impersonation of the girl at one of the vendors. (If you see me and want me to do the impersonation just ask, it is AWESOME (if you are a 7-year old).)

Anyway, we each got a can of soda with our meal, and here was the conversation that ensued:

SD: You need to give your tab thing to SS.

Me: Why?

SS: I am collecting them.

Me: Why?

SS: We are giving them to my teacher because of school.

Me: So the school is collecting them?

SS: No, just my class.

Me: Why?

SS: I have no idea.

And then I flashed back to my grade school days when one year we collected pop can tabs for a children’s hospital. And I remember being really befuddled as to why we were collecting pop can tabs for a children’s hospital. Now I understand that some third party was exchanging those tabs for money to give to the hospital, but that wasn’t explained well to me back then. Instead I imagined the teacher taking all of those can tabs to a children’s hospital and the nurses saying, “Uh, well, thanks, but we don’t really need those. Do you have any band-aids?”

We (Me, DH, my dad, and the twins) then spent some time brainstorming what those tabs were being collected for. Here is the list. (list 84)

1. As a fundraiser for the Hadrian collider. (This was DH’s suggestion – and the funniest by far… damnit.)

2. As a rundraiser to buy a new elephant for the zoo.

3. As a fundraiser for the Alaska seccessionist movement.

4. As a fundraiser for an anarchist movement to take over the school and destroy the current corrupt regime.

5. To recycle.

6. As a fundraiser to buy soda cans for the class.

7. To use in art projects.

8. To melt and create a huge trophy for collecting the most pop can tabs.

9. To cover the bad kids in pop can tabs when they do bad stuff.

10. To support the teacher’s pop can tab pyramid scheme. (I kept waiting for SS to ask me to start collecting pop can tabs and then recruiting two more people.)

#5, #7, #8, #9 were the ideas of the kids, thus demonstrating my point that when doing a pop can tab fundraiser with kids it should be clearly explained that someone is going to exchange those pop can tabs for money. No wonder kids think grown-ups are crazy. Because we are crazy.

3 thoughts on “Tabs!

  1. What about supporting the teacher’s obsession with having an entire outfit made out of pop can tabs…there was some book where a kid had a vest made out of tabs. Totally plausible.

  2. This makes me realize it’s only a matter of weeks before I’m asked to buy $30 wrapping paper and $23 cans of stale popcorn. God bless the school fundraising system…

  3. Mmmm… Hadrian collider… bashing Roman Emperors together…Much funnier than my suggestion. As to the outfit made of soda can tabs, having met the teacher, at this point, I’m not ruling anything out. Sounds uncomfortable as all hell to me, though.

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